From leaving the park. To turning off the TV. To getting dressed, washing hands, coming to the table, going to bed.

For many families, the hardest moments of the day aren’t the big milestones. They’re the small, everyday transitions.

And if transitions regularly end in tears, resistance, or meltdowns, it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means your child’s brain is doing exactly what it’s designed to do.

What the science tells us

Early childhood is a period of extraordinary brain development. In the first five years, more than one million new neural connections are formed every second. Children’s brains are still building the systems that support emotional regulation, attention, flexibility, and communication.

Transitions place heavy demands on these developing systems.

They require a child to:

• stop one activity
• tolerate uncertainty
• manage disappointment
• shift attention
• regulate emotion
• follow adult direction

All at once. From a developmental point of view, that is a big ask.

The Royal Foundation’s Centre for Early Childhood highlights that young children rely on adults to help them manage these moments because the parts of the brain responsible for regulation and flexible thinking are still under construction.

So when a child “loses it” during a transition, what we’re often seeing is not bad behaviour, but an overwhelmed nervous system.

Why adult support makes such a difference

Research consistently shows that children build emotional regulation through relationships first. Two processes are especially important in transitions:

1. Co-regulation

Young children cannot reliably calm their bodies and emotions alone. They borrow our calm. When an adult stays close, steady and supportive, it helps the child return to a state where they can think, listen and cope. Over time, repeated experiences of being co-regulated lay the foundation for self-regulation.

2. Attunement and back-and-forth interactions

Children cope better when adults notice their emotiional cues, acknowledge what they are feeling and respons sensitively. This kind of attuned, responsove interaction supports emotional security, learning and communication. 

What this means in real life?

Supporting transitions isn''t about controlling behaviour. It’s about helping your child move from one state to another, emotionally, cognitively, and physically.

That often looks like:

• slowing the moment down

• giving predictability and preparation

• staying emotionally present

• acknowledging the feeling before the action

• supporting the shift, not rushing it

When children feel emotionally held, their nervous system settles. When their nervous system settles, cooperation becomes possible.

Gentle ways to support everyday transitions

Grounded in the Royal Foundation’s research, here are some principles that make a real difference:

1. Start with connection, not instruction

Before asking for change, connect emotionally.
“I can see you’re really enjoying this.”
This signals safety before expectation.

2. Make the invisible visible

Transitions are easier when children know what’s coming.

Simple language helps the brain prepare:
“Two more slides, then shoes.”
“After this page, we’ll turn the light off.”

Predictability reduces emotional load.

3. Support the feeling, not just the behaviour

You don’t need to remove the boundary to support the emotion.

“It’s hard to stop when you’re having fun.”
“It’s okay to feel cross, I’m here.”

This is co-regulation in action.

4. Use your calm as the anchor

Children regulate through us first.

Your tone, pace, posture, and presence all communicate safety to a child’s nervous system.

5. Remember that skill builds over time

Every supported transition is practice. Not perfection.

The goal isn’t smooth days.
The goal is a child who gradually builds the inner tools to cope with change.

The bigger picture

The Royal Foundation’s work reminds us that everyday interactions are not small. They are the building blocks of emotional health, communication, and resilience.

Transitions are not interruptions to development.

They are development.

And when we support children through them with connection, predictability, and compassion, we’re not just getting through the day, we’re helping to build the foundations of how they will handle challenge, change, and emotion for years to come.

References & Evidence 

Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood (2023).
Shaping Us Framework: Main Report.
The Royal Foundation of The Prince and Princess of Wales.

Royal Foundation Centre for Early Childhood (2023).
How we grow an emotionally healthy brain.
Explainer series.